Wanting to be Wanted 101

I’ve been in this relationship longer than I ever expected… At first I thought this was just one of the silly games that I usually play in which I’m familiar of, but I was wrong… As the year passed by I realized that the methods on how to deal with this relationship game are no longer in favor with my ideals… it’s getting more difficult to comprehend and a bit serious to deal with… As I managed to go along with the flow, I was in panic feeling like I’m in a deep shit that I run out of Ideas, tricks and ways to handle this match and not feeling like a loser… I never run after someone nor even beg to reconsider, Hmmmm and by saying never means I did it before when I was dead shit desperate to be in a relationship, but not anymore.

I went into Fairytopia for a sweet escape just for a while for me to evaluate my self... I think, reflect and wind back the past few months that I’ve been involved in this so called heart race. As I went back from hiatus I’ve realized that I was no longer in the game but rather dealing with the real thing… A real one and in a serious romantic bond with a real person who is willing to get to know me inside and hoping to share my own small wonderland…

I got scared at first you know, I don’t even know how to be in a serious relationship nor even handling one… It’s just me, afraid to handle big responsibilities especially concerning people’s feelings… I really thought I was ready for this chapter coz I’ve been wanting this intimacy with someone for years… Well, it really feels different when you’re already in the situation… It’s scary and I panic coz I really don’t know what to do…

It’s just so funny to think that the right person normally comes when you least expect them to arrive… It really was in a twisted way… For years I’ve been in a long training for subject “Wanting to be Wanted 101” with a lesson on How to be the right person for your special someone and I was the first student who got the class card for this shit believing everything should start with me first. I need to be the right person first.

I passed the subject with a flying A+ grade and I was so proud of my self thinking I am now ready for the big thing… Someone told me that the way to find love is like catching a butterfly in your hands… You open your hands and wait for the butterfly to land in your palm… Now that’s just boring…

So I waited. I waited fervently for the butterfly to land on my hands… They don’t and I got bored to death… I wanted to catch them with my bare hands but I was afraid that I might jeopardize the chance of meeting Mr. Right out of fate because of my being impatient… I have no choice but to wait patiently and vigorously with full enthusiasm and determination thinking that HE might just be around the corner on his way to meet ME…

Months became a year and still there’s no sign of HIM…

While I was seating in my room wallowing, feeling miserable and hating my self for waiting for someone who didn’t exist, it sunk in to me while in deep thoughts that Mr. Right is equal to Mr. Perfect who isn’t real... The HIM is just the prince charming of the Walt Disney picture Cinderella whom everyone fantasize of meeting… But in real life, he doesn’t exist, he couldn’t, I have to convince my self…

I continue to live my pathetic life and my thought about catching Love has been locked in the box and swallowed by Tartaruz the nothingness... As I begin to enjoy the irony of everyday living, facing catastrophe was my source of knowledge and taught me how to fight back that eventually made me stronger to survive from all the adversaries along the way…

While I was at my prime subbing my self at work and enjoying the company of my friends HE knocks at my door without even giving me a short notice of his arrival…

In an instant my Heart stopped pounding the drum… I panic and got scared… My Man whore caught me off guard…

By then I realized that when the right time comes, the right place will follow and the right person is just a wink away… Everything has been put into place… It doesn’t matter how you’ve met and no matter how unlikely it was when you were just starting, destiny will find a way to make it all work smoothly and graceful than you can imagine…

Wow! The next time my Heart beats… I heard a duet…

Then wanting to be wanted no longer exist…

Coz it has been wanted by someone else… someone special

Someone who is just Right…. on TIME….